under the same sun

APRIL is here and over the weekend I was very happy to be officially “out of the woods”, so to speak, with all of my dog’s various health issues and vet appointments. It’s a weird thing to admit, but the last few days I’ve been feeling low, angry, even sad at times. I know that after serious illness/surgery some people experience a depressed state while re-adjusting to normal routines but does that also apply to a pet’s illness? I’ve decided, yes it does (in an effort to convince myself that my feelings will subside).

Now that Mac is “better” I return my attention to other “problems” (or other solutions, if your a half full kinda bird –good for you!). Life is a series of hurdles and victories and more hurdles and lightning sand pits and rodents of unusual size… wait… no…. THAT’s The Princess Bride.

I do not expect my life to be happy all of the time. It’s not realistic to think that way and leads to disappointment, inevitably. I’ll be 38 this year and when I am struggling with ups and downs it’s that number that causes the most wobbly feelings. What I want to be, where I want to be, with whom I want to be, how I see myself. By design, my life is uncomplicated; few attachments, living (mostly) within my means, sticking with a routine.  Staying the course, I guess. This 38th year, though… I can feel the room getting smaller.

Do I become smaller, or do I get a bigger room?

 

Sometimes I wonder how other people deal with these things. Outgrowing your own life, like a pair of too-tight-shoes, is painful. I’m such a singular person (person not personality – unfortunately for most). It’s lonely and I tend to feel like not many people “get” me. Younger me was not too concerned with that sort of thing. At the very least I found myself entertaining. Being alone in the crowd is becoming tiresome. I’m rambling now, but it’s good to get this stuff out of your head. I’m feeling wobbly again so I’ll just wrap this up with one of my favorites:

Halfway down the stairs
Is a stair
Where I sit.
There isn’t any
Other stair
Quite like
It.
I’m not at the bottom,
I’m not at the top;
So this is the stair
Where
I always
Stop.

Halfway up the stairs
Isn’t up,
Isn’t down.
It isn’t in the nursery,
It isn’t in the town.
And all sorts of funny thoughts
Run round my head:
“It isn’t really
Anywhere!
It’s somewhere else
Instead!”
~A.A. Milne

 

credits:
image © Ken Bishop