It’s day # 15 of my Whole30 adventure. My second week was “easier” than the first in some ways, harder in others. Prepping my food days in advance is becoming a habit (YAY). I’m a bit tired of broccoli and cauliflower (and carrots), though, so there will be NONE of that this week (thank goodness). I had a slight reaction to something I ate last Tuesday. It was either the eggs I had or the beets. I’m going with beets, since I honestly had never eaten them before and the reaction (on my neck) was gone by morning. Oh, and I dream about food every night. Usually it involves eating something by accident. Like honey in my tea or a piece of gum (oh the HORROR). I’m not dreaming of hot fudge sundaes or anything so at least there’s that. A coworker told me today that they can tell I’ve lost weight. I’ll take their word for it. I FEEL a whole lot better lately, even though during a dreadfully boring weekend (Mother’s Day) I know that I ate WAY too much fruit. I suppose I was bored and a little sad or just feeling left out.
Let me tell you a little story:
Years (and years) ago I worked with a woman a little older than I am now. She was extremely bitter about men and love and was her own worst enemy when it came to the reasons why she had neither in her life. Sometimes she was completely fun and hilarious, which told me that was who she **used** to be, before the bitterness took over. I tried harder than I’ve ever tried with anyone to bring her out of that dark place. But the more I tried, the more she pulled me into the other direction. Once I decided I couldn’t do it any longer, I cut her out of my life. I still feel bad about it, sometimes. It was at that time I also decided (since I was newly divorced and without children) I would NEVER let that kind of bitterness into my life again.
Now that I’m basically in the same place that she was back then (nearly 40, divorced, no children), I fight a creeping bitterness. It will show up during family holidays or whenever anyone brings their newborn into work. I accept that life throws things at us and it will seem sad or we will feel like we got “ripped” off somehow; but bitterness – like jealousy, is truly such a waste of energy. I do the best I can. Also, If you need to cry I believe you should just let yourself cry. Who doesn’t feel BETTER after a huge cry? AND, if eating a few extra strawberries on a Saturday helps me feel better – I’m okay with that too.