with all my heart

helloSEPTI took this picture 2 days before we got the news about Robin Williams. I was getting ready to have a very busy August and fully expecting there would be stressful times in the following weeks. It ended up being worse than I thought it was going to be and I tried to post about a few things during the last twenty or so days… but I couldn’t publish any of it. Too dark and melancholy for this space, which is an extension of my self… to a point. I pushed through a lot of the issues I was having, this involved avoiding the nightly news, spending too much time on pinterest, working long hours, eating horribly (gelato to the rescue!), crying spontaneously… wallowing a bit in my Aimee cave.

I was glad for the start of a new month this past Monday (and a day off from work, thanks Labor Day!). That night I was feeling optimistic about what September would bring and also feeling guilty about neglecting the blog and not being bullet proof enough to “post through the pain”. Which in and of itself is quite silly. I’m not someone with swarms of readers, nobody was worried that I’d jumped off a bridge or quit the whole blog thing. I’m too hard on myself about almost everything and share very little of myself with people IRL so as to not overwhelm them or scare them away… and there’s always the overshare remorse that settles in almost immediately after you’ve said “see you later, thanks for listening.”

So, while sitting up in bed that night with notebook in hand, resident Beagle snoring at my feet, I wrote down a few things I would like to share in this space. The first was random thoughts that pop into my brain because they are random but also tend to be weird, funny, honest, or plainly pensive. The second was writing a letter each new month… to the month... to give myself a positive framework for what I see happening in the weeks to come; the progress I expect to make and a general summary of what that particular month means to me. Some months of the year I dread because I remember too much about the “bad” things I’ve struggled through. I want to do something that honors those events (or, rather, my own resilience) but also puts them in perspective. Because, if you don’t do that, it’s too easy to get stuck in the crappy crap. Well, that’s how it is for me anyway.

I’ve not worked out completely how to go about sharing my random thoughts -which one of my friends has coined “aimeeisms” – which, don’t worry,  I won’t be referring to them as that. My Bamboo tablet is getting pretty dusty, so maybe I’ll just write them in my favorite blobby ink pen and plop them down here in a post, all impromptu and simple-like? We’ll see (she said, in her best fake parenting voice.)

My next post will be a Dear September letter. I thought I could just post it here with this big long “catch up (haha, ketchup) post” but I’ve rambled on for quite long enough!

Until then “see you later, thanks for listening.”

image: selfie by me